Missing

Tuesday night Nanette turned a week old. We didn't
throw much of a party because all is quiet up in the
NICU. We have to keep her calm to keep her
stabilized. She has a lot of Carter's energy - she's
always been a squirmer. We used to love sitting on
the couch just watching her move around inside JoAnn.
But now, when she kicks and swings her arms and arches
her back, it pulls on the tubes and wires, especially
the respirator tube down her throat. She doesn't
understand why she's trapped there, why she's
uncomfortable. Her blood pressure goes up. Her
oxygen levels go down. Her blood gasses get out of
whack. So, we just watched the clock slip by the 8:27
mark and then slipped out. We had some special folks
waiting for us down at the house.

I drove up to Chehalis yesterday and brought the kids
down. The morning fog broke at about noon and the day
turned sunny and relatively warm (60ish.) Katie and
Carter romped in the play yard for a while and then
JoAnn and Gramma Josie and I took them to OMSI.
There's a wonderful exhibit there on fetal development
(of course, Carter was way more interested in the
exhibits on animation and cartoons.)

Angie stayed off-campus with Josie last night, so it
was just JoAnn and the kids and me. Carter fell
asleep during my "make-up-and-believe" bedtime story.
Katie stayed away all the way to the end but she
turned around and yawned and that was the last thing I
remember. I've missed the regular routine, and the
feel of my kids snuggling down into my arms for an
impromptu story (or two, or three.)

I've missed braiding Katie's hair and the way she
gladly wears them for me, even though they are usually
a bit awkward looking. One morning a few weeks ago
she let me put ten braids in - long, short, fat
skinny, and she wore them to school, sticking out all
over the place in no particular symmetry, just to
honor me.

I've missed the way Carter always escalates from a
whisper to a yell, and from calm to a blur, and the
way he picks up nuances, like the meaning of the word
"advance." In his Berenstain Bears A Book, angry ants
advance across all Arizona. One night a while back,
before all this, as we read four books (because he's
four years old) we discussed the meaning of the words,
and I told him that "advance" meant "to go forward."
About a week later we drove by a sign with big yellow
words and Carter asked me to read it to him. It said
"Ace Cash Advance" and he asked what that meant. I
told him that Ace was the name of the business, Cash
was money, and Advance was to get it before you earned
it.

He said, "I thought that advance meant 'to go
forward."

Like I said, he picks up nuances.

No telling what he learned at OMSI yesterday.

I can't wait to have Nanette join us in our little
evening rituals and routines. Surgery is still on for
Thursday, so far. That could change at anytime. Aunt
Lee Anne and Gramma Cooke will come down today to get
the kids and take them back to Chehalis. I hope that
Uncle Eric comes down too.

Oh yeah, Katie lost her other front tooth yesterday.
She was showing me how loose it was, wiggling it with
her finger. She took a step backwards and stumbled,
just a bit, but it was enough. Her little fingers
flicked away from her lips and as she caught her
balance, something small and white bounced on the
carpet at my feet. Her face lit up and her eyes got
wide and then she started laughing.

Life goes on like that. No matter what. Life goes on.